So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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