Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Send help, water and tortillas.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
