My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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