just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
