Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
