Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
