Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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