Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
