The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
