Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
