yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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