I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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