My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
