As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
