What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
