thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
