Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
