I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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