I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
