It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
