We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
