You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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