I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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