she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
3pm strippers are depressing
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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