The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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