is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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