Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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