i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We are two peas in an std pod
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
