you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
