just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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