You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
