she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
