I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
