They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
