Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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