I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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