So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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