WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
