If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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