I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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