What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
