C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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