Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
