I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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