Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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