Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize