Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
