exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
