hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
