This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
