I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
