I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
