Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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