Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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