"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm having to shit out rocks
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