Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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