8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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