so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
