Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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