this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
