My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
