oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
