I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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