guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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