Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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